im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
How does one acquire holy water?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
