I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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