I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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