So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
