thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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