Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize