if i died would you start the facebook group?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
