I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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