so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
