I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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