Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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