I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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