Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
