i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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