and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I wish there were birth control emojis
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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