You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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