if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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