you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
