The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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