Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
