He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
