Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
