so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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