Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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