Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
