Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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