I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Michael Bay diarrhea
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Randomize
