Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
