sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
