She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
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I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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