I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
