He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Randomize
