Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the day after is always just damage control
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
