I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
