I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
