I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
