you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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