I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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