she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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