Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
