Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
