I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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