im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
