I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
