grandma shit on top of the toilet
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
