I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
