i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
