my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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