dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
