if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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