Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
