Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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