oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
