How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
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