I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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