a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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