So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
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