never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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