You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
