no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
