The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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